For You

So, I sat here on the night of the 4th of July, listening to the fireworks and other dogs barking at them, either in annoyance or fright, the one little bark I didn’t hear was yours. Every year on either 4th of July or New Years, you would hear the fireworks outside and crawl onto my lap shaking in fear while I cradle you like a baby. You would tremble until the noise stopped and go about your merry way. This year, I didn’t get that. I couldn’t. Because you had just left me. You reached the end of your precious little life and I watched you get carried away in a towel and carrying case at the vet’s. Now i’m left here with my thoughts and memories of the decade you gave to me as my best friend who I took care of and protected like my child. My body is tired, my emotions are drained and my heart is hurting. I can’t help but dwell on the site I saw when I found you on the couch after you passed and all the memories that having you in my life brought. This is a reflection of that.

I remember when we first got you from the shelter 10 years ago. You were a 3-week old puppy. I was just a sophomore in High School. We brought you home and you peed everywhere. You were a handful but a cute little fucker who I couldn’t help but never get mad at because of your stare and little Chihuahua demeanor. You were a tough little bastard too who growled at anyone who irritated you or tried to mess with you. You kinda made me realize that Chihuahuas are naturally angry. You did annoy me from time to time with your loud, non-stop barking waking me up in the morning (better than any alarm ever did) and by pissing and shitting all over the place, but my love for you never changed. I always fed you on time, made sure your water was always fresh and bathed you when necessary. It was a part of my every day life and I never missed a step.

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It’s going to be weird for a while not having you around. I still expect to hear you barking at some point. I still expect to hear your little footsteps walking into the kitchen while i’m cooking to stare at me to see what i’m making. I’ll always miss your curious little stare that you almost always had on your face, whether it be to see what I was eating or what certain noises were. Those two little ears sticking up was one of your cutest traits that i’ll always remember.

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Let’s not forget about your little doll. That thing you carried around everywhere that I always had to help you look for. In between the couch cushions, under covers, under the bed, wherever you left it, you always seemed to misplace it and I had to help you find it while you sniffed and snooped everywhere. You loved that little thing like it were your child. It was adorable. I was always happy to help you look or it.

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Things weren’t always easy, I remember when our other two dogs passed, Nikko and Tazz, you were crushed. You didn’t understand why they left. I did all I could to make up for it by spending as much time with you as I could. I was busy a lot, but I always made time. I sat on the couch and stuck my arms out so you can run up on my lap and lay on my chest for a while. I’ll never forget the way you would rest your little head on me, even when I just stuck my arm out under your chin.

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There were other times where you’d be on the couch, not wanting to be bothered and i’d kneel in front of you and you’d growl at me but still lick my hand or face when I put it near yours. You were a weirdo, but I loved you all the same. You were a unique little one with your own traits and tropes that set you apart from any other dog we’ve had. To say i’ll miss you would be an understatement. You were one of the few things that I could count on to be there every morning when I woke up and every night as I slept. You were one of the only constants that kept me sane no matter how much I stressed or how under the weather I was. That’s how it was from the moment we took you out of your shelter cage in 2007 to the time you passed on the other day. You made it that way, and made my life just a little easier.

Thank you gracing the last ten years of my life with your precious presence. You gave me a reason to work hard and not be so down on myself all the time because at the end of the day, you were there. I had you and I didn’t need much else. I know I wasn’t a perfect owner, but I hope I gave you a good enough life to go in peace. You were one of the things that mattered to me the most besides music and all the other things I talk about on this blog. I knew you weren’t going to be around forever, but I made sure every second you were here mattered and nurtured you to the best of my ability. And if another one comes along, I promise you, i’ll make sure I give them as good a life as I gave you and will love and care for them with as much passion as I did for you. It won’t just be for them, it will be for you too.

Goodbye, my sweet prince. I’m sorry I couldn’t cure you of what you were suffering from, but it’s all gone and you’re safe now. May you rest in peace and forever live on in spirit. You were my best friend and I love you.

Until next time.

-Scvm

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